Wild Blue Yonder

My friends... this just might be my final post in this journal. The time has come for me to pursue villany down other avenues- I have grown tired of the streets and the alleyways, the portals and machinery... I find myself longing more and more for the comfort of my books and research, for the relative peace and quiet of a library instead of a battlefield. I am weary of the sore muscles and guilty consciounce that comes from the daily toil of keeping this great city safe.

I will take this moment to thank all those who have helped me reach the place I am today. I would not be who I am without you. Words cannot express my graditude and heartfelt thanks. Call on me anytime you are in need.

For now I fly to that wild blue yonder.



Fin.

Time Marches On

I won't even begin to tell you how long it's been since my security level has been increased. I like to think it's because I spend time helping others with lower clearance, and therefore don't have much time to work with my own contacts; or perhaps it's because the villainous community hasn't been very active and so I've been patroling more and going on actual missions less... or any other of a list of one hundred semi-valid excuses that I have come up with in my spare time.

The truth of the matter, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not, is that I have been less willing to team up with others in those missions that I do go on. Check that.. I have been less willing to team with those I do not know. I am not willing to accept the title of Lone Wolf just yet. Looking back, I see a pattern of selective teaming with alarming frequency; and that that selection is getting smaller and smaller. I suppose it's natural as we grow older, more experienced, to be less tolerant of the younger, less experienced, in many ways: not satisfied with hum-drum goings on of everyday muggings... less patient with the self-important egoism of newly crowned Saviors of Paragon City and the antics that accompany said Saviors, I guess I just drifted away to where I am now. I must allow that this egoism is not limited only to the newly minted hero, as it were. I have known plenty of heroes with security clearances equal or higher than my own that have acted with less, shall we say "decor" than would normally befit a hero of such stature. By the same token, I have met heroes fresh off the bus that have demonstrated more accumen and maturity than myself many times over. So, I suppose I shouldn't use age as an excuse for my actions.

But what about experience? Not that of others, but my own. We learn from our mistakes, our experiences.. I have promised myself to do so, as a matter of fact, consciously. I learned quite some time ago, that teaming up with complete strangers to accomplish a common goal is, at best, a gamble. There are times when the group meshes together very well and you are able help each other out several times over, and it goes without saying that if I hadn't reached out to those strangers I would not have the friends that I do now. However, and this is more often than not, teaming with someone you have never met before has it's trials as well. This is where the aforementioned problemactic teammates enter the picture: those who cavort around the battlefield not caring if they catch the attention of the enemy before the team is ready... some who do just the opposite and hang in the back and rarely get involved, instead relying on the group to carry them through... then there is the overly silly hero whose antics and commentary serve only annoy and distract their teammates rather than bolster morale or add cohesiveness... and, in my opinion the worst of all: those who mislead their newfound teammates, by knowingly leading the group to a false mission, or abandoning them all for no apparent reason once everything has begun, etc.

I suppose I cannot hold myself blameless from all of the above complaints. I have accidentally aggravated foes during missions many times, and the Gods know my own sense of humor is not for all. I like to think that any time I have had to leave any mission before it has been completed there have been good reasons, but I am willing to accept that some may have been angry or frustrated with me at those moments for it. I guess my point in all of this introspective is that before we complain about others, I suppose we need to look at ourselves. There is always a reason for our state of being, and while there are always outside influences we must learn to take responsibilty for our own actions.

And I start with me.

In which I nurse my wounds in a reminder of who I am and what it is that I do... or am supposed to

I sit here at my laptop in extreme discomfort, shifting positions occationally, due to the fact that I am pretty sure I have a bruised kidney as well as a cracked rib or two; nevermind my swollen jaw, black eye, and stiff hip on the right side. The path of Super Heroism is never an easy one, we have discussed that- many have. The one thing that is not often talked about however, is the near-constant pain. Oh sure, there may be mention of it after the fact, in grand tales of Yesteryear, but I admit that even I conveniently forget about the agony and discomfort that accompanies most missions. I take pride in my skills as a healer, but it is a fact that pain is part of this gig. Some heroes eventually become fascinated with it, actually. Especially Regen Scrappers...

But I digress.

I had a mission to Firebase Zulu. I was to locate some captured scouts taken in by the Soldiers of Rularuu (as a side note, the rate at which these soldiers are captured is astounding... makes me wonder what General Hammond is doing with his men) and lead them to safety. On the way there, I thought I would make a side trip to the Rikti Crash Site, having never visited there. This was Mistake #1. It's actually a fascinating place. The areas that have been rebuilt are quite striking... almost Roman in their architechture. And of course, there are Rikti everywhere; but they are not the problem. Check that: they are A problem, but I wouldn't say they were MY main source of difficulties that day. The NUMBER of Rickti there along with their RANK is what threw me... the fact that they inhabit the area, the principle of the matter, is no more of an issue than it is in say, Crey's Folly or Founder's Falls. I won't go into it any more deeply than that, but let's just say that it's never a good idea to fight a group with two Chief Mesmerists as members, by yourself. I left with a load of debt larger than when I went in.

Then I went to Firebase Zulu. I had a mission there, as previously stated. Not usually a problem. A challenge, to be sure, but not problematic in itself. I have faced the The Soldiers of Rularuu several times and I have learned how to handle them. They are not a problem either.

This thought was Mistake #2.

It was a large Brute who taught me the requisite lesson. I had searched the entire cave system, and liberated the captured soliders. I was only cleaning house. I figured a few less Rularuu in this world is a good thing. Yeah... only cleaning house. Well, I guess he figured that his (I assume it was a he) missing fellow beings were my fault so he was plenty pissed when he spotted me across the cavern. He ran at me full tilt until I hit him with Siphon Speed, which turned him from a charging rhino into a charging rhino in slow motion. Which meant he didn't have much momentum behind him when he smacked me... laced me one right across the chops with a three-clawed paw the size of Massachusetts. Gotta love it when your first attack is a heal spell. Thank the gods for Siphon Speed, though. He had to sit there like Mr. Rogers and think slow thoughts while I pummelled him for the next couple of seconds: I hope he enjoyed the Tenebrous Tentacles I summoned up his ass. His next attack was a pretty red beam from his eye... or something... I wasn't paying attention to it's origin point, doubled up in pain as I was. Directly afterwards I decided I'd had enough and drained the rest of his strength, dispelling his energy outwards to soak it up myself. I continued my barrage, and I could tell he was on his last legs. Only a few more blasts... another Tentacle or two and it was time to go home. I was sore, but in a moment... victorious. I prepared my final arcane assault.

About this time, I think two things happened, unbeknownst to me. First, my Siphon Speed spell wore off. Second, he got his second wind. Thusly, I was unprepared for the cross-body blow that sent my now-broken body flying upwards and backwards... how far I can only guess. I saw the ceiling, I saw the sandy earth... the wind was knocked from my body... I tasted my own coppery blood between my remaining teeth... felt my breath rattle painfully in the lung. Before I blacked out, I saw the Brute turn his back and slowly trudge back to his cavern. Somehow... being forgotten so quickly made it all the worse.

I woke up in the Firebase infirmary. A soldier quickly reported my state of painful awareness, and General Hammond entered the area soon after. He congratulated me on a job well done, the soldiers never would have made it out alive, blah blah blah. I winced every time he used the words "personal fortitude." He also claimed he'd given my name to another out here, and would I mind giving him a hand. Something about needing all the help they can get. I nodded that I would and he patted my shoulder, in what I assume was supposed to be a fatherly gesture, and then proceeded back out to his post. I left the Firebase soon after.

I have been taught a lesson, friends. Granted, it wasn't until after I got over the annoyance and frustration of my repeated defeats that day, but it was a lesson that needed to be learned nevertheless. Overconfidence. Just because an enemy is down, does not mean they are out. I was so sure of victory against the Rularuu I did not take precautions, did not follow my own guidelines and rules learned through many situations like this when I was much less experienced. So, I learn again. I follow my New Year's Resolution.


Oh, and I admit that he beat me fair and square; no grudge because I lost. But that doesn't mean I can't go back and wipe the floor with him.

It's a brand new world... maybe

Heroes don't get to take vacations, do they? As mostly reactionary beings (read previous post "Villainism" from Monday October 17 for more on this), we aren't usually allowed such luxuries as we must be constantly vigilant for any and all attacks on our beloved city and it's populace. Especially this time of year. And what is it about this time of year that makes those opponants of Truth and Justice so bound and determined to ruin the good feelings and memories that surround us all these days? What is it that draws them out of the walls with their best, or is it worst, schemes and most nefarious of plans?

Why, it's us of course.

We, meaning most of who you would refer to as "good", for one reason or another, treat this time of year as special. Whether it is for religious reasons, nostalgia, the picturesque scenery, the parties, or just because you enjoy the time off from work, for most of us the last month of the year holds a special place in our hearts. If I were to put myself in my opponant's shoes for a minute, and then to pick one time of year to launch an attack to be most devastating to the most people... yep. It would be about now. Of course, you can argue that this is not the only reason for such an attack. Cases of mental illness, a villain's own memories and feelings of this time of year always factor into their actions and yes, sometimes they are just plain mean and nasty. They are evil, after all. It's what they do.

So what happened this year? The inevitable, and a shipment of donated toys was hijacked by a group of Arachnos villains and taken to Mercy Isle, where it was then rescued by various assundry super groups and individual heroes alike. The reaction vy the heroic community was swift, sometimes brutal, but appropriate and rang with the pure silvery sound of justice. And you received a cool hat to wear if you helped to rescue the toys. You could not have created a more perfect example of how the Hero/Villain System works: the Villains steal something of value, this time not so much of monetary but more of social and ethical or moral value, and the Heroes gather together to get it back. They reacted afterwards... they could not have prevented the theft in the first place. I'm even willing to bet Ms. Liberty, as she headed up the toy drive, foresaw this coming. But she was helpless as the rest of us and had to act after the fact in getting the items back.

So here we are in the New Year. Traditionally a fresh start... a change from the previous year. Something different is supposed to happen Today, that did not happen Yesterday. New Year's Resolutions, right? Going on the assumption that something was wrong with Yesterday, that Today will somehow be better because we changed it, let's give this some thought and apply it to the above situation. They say that hindsight is always 20/20, meaning you can always see what went wrong after the fact, but rarely before. Now, I am not so arrogant as to claim that I know what went wrong with Ms. Liberty's toy drive and how she can avoid that problem in the future. All I am saying is that if we were to make a New Year's Resolution, if we were to try and change ourselves for the better in this new year... that we try and learn from our mistakes. Pay attention to what we do. Make conscious decisions, remember them and learn from them. That is how we move forward.

Happy New Year, friends.



Oh yeah, one more question: what do you suppose those Arachnos were going to do with those toys once they go them?

Trolls, Trolls, the Beautiful Fruit

There is something up with the Trolls in Skyway City. The big ones specifically... the ones calling themselves Supa Trolls. The name notwithstanding. I mean, come on; at least spell out "Super"... "Supa"? That sounds like some kinda of bad Blaxploitation hero name. Really bad.

Anyway.

There is something seriously wrong with them. First off, every couple of hours (minutes?) there is a marathon of Supa Trolls that runs through Skyway. I am not one to casually critisize any rational being's desire for physical fitness; far from it. This is not rational, however. They seem to gather around The Hollows gate and take off from there, trundling through parking lots, over parked cars, heroes, the citizenry, etc... whatever happens to be in there way. This has spawned more than a few battle royales, let me tell you. And this gathering is not just a couple of trolls, like two or three. Oh no. I am talking about a dozen or more; I have seen up to twice that number seemingly appear out of nowhere. The troll's supplier of Supradine must be having a holiday celebrati.... wait a minute.

Note to self: look into that.

Back to the marathon. I watched a Supa the other day, being chased down by a hulking tanker of a hero, completely ignorant of the fact that an earthen hammer the size of Montana was being swung at his head repeatedly. All he seemed to care about was his running route: no fighting back, no powering up, no beating of the chest... it was almost Zen-like. Creepy. The really weird part was, the hammer never connected while the Supa was running. Not once. It was almost like the troll had an aura around him, protecting him from harm while in this zone of concentration. But once he reached his destination, which happened to be about one hundred yards down the highway, and he stopped running, the fight was ON! I nearly felt sorry for the Supa... he didn't stand a chance against that hero with the hammer; which, in retrospect made the incident even stranger.

In any case, I must be off to check those contacts. All observations of Supa Troll behavior aside, if there is a batch of Supradine on the streets that messes up these kids more than it does already... I don't even want to think about it.

Super Group/ Super Self

I mentioned to a good friend of mine recently that, in my childhood, I made a habit of defining myself by those that I spend the majority of my time with. As can be guessed, old habits are hard to break. And I don't think I am alone in this. How many heroes out there announce themselves by the group that they belong to?

"Beware villains! Before you stands The Rainbow Avenger.... tremble before the might of The Paragon City Marshmallow Cadets!"

or how about...

"The Four Funkmen of The Apocolypse have arrived... That's right baby: Funkenstein has landed... awww yeah."

or the perenial:

"Paragon's Primary Protectorate super group now recruiting... we don't care who we get. Just bring cash."

Now don't get me wrong: I am not here to rant and verbally assault the institution of super groups; far from it. If it weren't for the super groups that allowed me membership, my time here in Paragon City would have been vastly different... in fact, I would go so far as to say that I would not be the hero that I am today were it not for those groups, or more to the point, the people in those groups. The institution... the concept of a super group, that is a group of people (in this case specifically super heroes) that band together for a common cause, even if that cause is merely social, is a sound one. Humans (and those like us, because let's face it, not all of the heroes in Paragon City are human beings, although they act decidedly like one of our species) are social animals, and we need that interaction, that contact to feel complete... to feel worthwhile. I know, I know... we have talked about the Lone Wolf Theory already. I am not discounting that discussion as I know several heroes that prefer to work on their own. I myself do that every now and then. That is not the point.

My point is when we belong to a group of people, we are usually there looking for acceptance. Those that stay with a given group for a period of time, have more than likely found that level of acceptance they were looking for... even if they are not the most active members of that group, according to other members. They have found, socially, a place they are comfortable... if they don't find that place, they leave the group looking for the next attempt. In my unprofessional opinion, a problem arises when a given individual begins to identify themselves soley by the group that they associate with... their identity becomes tied to the rest of the people around them. Without those people, they don't know who they are or what to do. This is an extreme example, but I have seen it happen. I have come close to it myself.

Don't rely on the acceptance of others for your own self-worth and validity, my friends. Value yourself and find acceptance in who you are. Only then can you enter the group as a whole person without needing them to fill in that void.


Peace.

In which I advance to a deeper understanding of myself and my own powers

As previously stated, I am only human. I have learned that this is not necessarily so. While I freely admit that I possess more than my share of human frailties as well as emotional states & virtues... these past few days I have discovered much more to myself than I have thought possible. More on that later.

My rage has finally found it's release. I find I have little remorse in it's outlet and I am fine with that. As a Defender, I had dedicated my life to the healing and the betterment of others. I have made entries in this journal about my recent explorations into a offensive side to my powers, but this has been something that I have considered an aside; a new facet that I would only turn to within a certain company or by myself. No longer. While I have not forgotten that side of my abilities, they have been integrated creating a more complete being. These last few weeks have changed me more than perhaps anything since leaving my childhood home those years ago. I have once again crossed a threshold... let us see where it leads me.