Chronicles of Heroism

Wild Blue Yonder

2006-02-07T09:03:00.000-05:00

My friends... this just might be my final post in this journal. The time has come for me to pursue villany down other avenues- I have grown tired of the streets and the alleyways, the portals and machinery... I find myself longing more and more for the comfort of my books and research, for the relative peace and quiet of a library instead of a battlefield. I am weary of the sore muscles and guilty consciounce that comes from the daily toil of keeping this great city safe.

I will take this moment to thank all those who have helped me reach the place I am today. I would not be who I am without you. Words cannot express my graditude and heartfelt thanks. Call on me anytime you are in need.

For now I fly to that wild blue yonder.

Fin.

Time Marches On

2006-01-23T16:39:00.000-05:00

I won't even begin to tell you how long it's been since my security level has been increased. I like to think it's because I spend time helping others with lower clearance, and therefore don't have much time to work with my own contacts; or perhaps it's because the villainous community hasn't been very active and so I've been patroling more and going on actual missions less... or any other of a list of one hundred semi-valid excuses that I have come up with in my spare time.

The truth of the matter, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not, is that I have been less willing to team up with others in those missions that I do go on. Check that.. I have been less willing to team with those I do not know. I am not willing to accept the title of Lone Wolf just yet. Looking back, I see a pattern of selective teaming with alarming frequency; and that that selection is getting smaller and smaller. I suppose it's natural as we grow older, more experienced, to be less tolerant of the younger, less experienced, in many ways: not satisfied with hum-drum goings on of everyday muggings... less patient with the self-important egoism of newly crowned Saviors of Paragon City and the antics that accompany said Saviors, I guess I just drifted away to where I am now. I must allow that this egoism is not limited only to the newly minted hero, as it were. I have known plenty of heroes with security clearances equal or higher than my own that have acted with less, shall we say "decor" than would normally befit a hero of such stature. By the same token, I have met heroes fresh off the bus that have demonstrated more accumen and maturity than myself many times over. So, I suppose I shouldn't use age as an excuse for my actions.

But what about experience? Not that of others, but my own. We learn from our mistakes, our experiences.. I have promised myself to do so, as a matter of fact, consciously. I learned quite some time ago, that teaming up with complete strangers to accomplish a common goal is, at best, a gamble. There are times when the group meshes together very well and you are able help each other out several times over, and it goes without saying that if I hadn't reached out to those strangers I would not have the friends that I do now. However, and this is more often than not, teaming with someone you have never met before has it's trials as well. This is where the aforementioned problemactic teammates enter the picture: those who cavort around the battlefield not caring if they catch the attention of the enemy before the team is ready... some who do just the opposite and hang in the back and rarely get involved, instead relying on the group to carry them through... then there is the overly silly hero whose antics and commentary serve only annoy and distract their teammates rather than bolster morale or add cohesiveness... and, in my opinion the worst of all: those who mislead their newfound teammates, by knowingly leading the group to a false mission, or abandoning them all for no apparent reason once everything has begun, etc.

I suppose I cannot hold myself blameless from all of the above complaints. I have accidentally aggravated foes during missions many times, and the Gods know my own sense of humor is not for all. I like to think that any time I have had to leave any mission before it has been completed there have been good reasons, but I am willing to accept that some may have been angry or frustrated with me at those moments for it. I guess my point in all of this introspective is that before we complain about others, I suppose we need to look at ourselves. There is always a reason for our state of being, and while there are always outside influences we must learn to take responsibilty for our own actions.

And I start with me.

In which I nurse my wounds in a reminder of who I am and what it is that I do... or am supposed to

2006-01-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

I sit here at my laptop in extreme discomfort, shifting positions occationally, due to the fact that I am pretty sure I have a bruised kidney as well as a cracked rib or two; nevermind my swollen jaw, black eye, and stiff hip on the right side. The path of Super Heroism is never an easy one, we have discussed that- many have. The one thing that is not often talked about however, is the near-constant pain. Oh sure, there may be mention of it after the fact, in grand tales of Yesteryear, but I admit that even I conveniently forget about the agony and discomfort that accompanies most missions. I take pride in my skills as a healer, but it is a fact that pain is part of this gig. Some heroes eventually become fascinated with it, actually. Especially Regen Scrappers...

But I digress.

I had a mission to Firebase Zulu. I was to locate some captured scouts taken in by the Soldiers of Rularuu (as a side note, the rate at which these soldiers are captured is astounding... makes me wonder what General Hammond is doing with his men) and lead them to safety. On the way there, I thought I would make a side trip to the Rikti Crash Site, having never visited there. This was Mistake #1. It's actually a fascinating place. The areas that have been rebuilt are quite striking... almost Roman in their architechture. And of course, there are Rikti everywhere; but they are not the problem. Check that: they are A problem, but I wouldn't say they were MY main source of difficulties that day. The NUMBER of Rickti there along with their RANK is what threw me... the fact that they inhabit the area, the principle of the matter, is no more of an issue than it is in say, Crey's Folly or Founder's Falls. I won't go into it any more deeply than that, but let's just say that it's never a good idea to fight a group with two Chief Mesmerists as members, by yourself. I left with a load of debt larger than when I went in.

Then I went to Firebase Zulu. I had a mission there, as previously stated. Not usually a problem. A challenge, to be sure, but not problematic in itself. I have faced the The Soldiers of Rularuu several times and I have learned how to handle them. They are not a problem either.

This thought was Mistake #2.

It was a large Brute who taught me the requisite lesson. I had searched the entire cave system, and liberated the captured soliders. I was only cleaning house. I figured a few less Rularuu in this world is a good thing. Yeah... only cleaning house. Well, I guess he figured that his (I assume it was a he) missing fellow beings were my fault so he was plenty pissed when he spotted me across the cavern. He ran at me full tilt until I hit him with Siphon Speed, which turned him from a charging rhino into a charging rhino in slow motion. Which meant he didn't have much momentum behind him when he smacked me... laced me one right across the chops with a three-clawed paw the size of Massachusetts. Gotta love it when your first attack is a heal spell. Thank the gods for Siphon Speed, though. He had to sit there like Mr. Rogers and think slow thoughts while I pummelled him for the next couple of seconds: I hope he enjoyed the Tenebrous Tentacles I summoned up his ass. His next attack was a pretty red beam from his eye... or something... I wasn't paying attention to it's origin point, doubled up in pain as I was. Directly afterwards I decided I'd had enough and drained the rest of his strength, dispelling his energy outwards to soak it up myself. I continued my barrage, and I could tell he was on his last legs. Only a few more blasts... another Tentacle or two and it was time to go home. I was sore, but in a moment... victorious. I prepared my final arcane assault.

About this time, I think two things happened, unbeknownst to me. First, my Siphon Speed spell wore off. Second, he got his second wind. Thusly, I was unprepared for the cross-body blow that sent my now-broken body flying upwards and backwards... how far I can only guess. I saw the ceiling, I saw the sandy earth... the wind was knocked from my body... I tasted my own coppery blood between my remaining teeth... felt my breath rattle painfully in the lung. Before I blacked out, I saw the Brute turn his back and slowly trudge back to his cavern. Somehow... being forgotten so quickly made it all the worse.

I woke up in the Firebase infirmary. A soldier quickly reported my state of painful awareness, and General Hammond entered the area soon after. He congratulated me on a job well done, the soldiers never would have made it out alive, blah blah blah. I winced every time he used the words "personal fortitude." He also claimed he'd given my name to another out here, and would I mind giving him a hand. Something about needing all the help they can get. I nodded that I would and he patted my shoulder, in what I assume was supposed to be a fatherly gesture, and then proceeded back out to his post. I left the Firebase soon after.

I have been taught a lesson, friends. Granted, it wasn't until after I got over the annoyance and frustration of my repeated defeats that day, but it was a lesson that needed to be learned nevertheless. Overconfidence. Just because an enemy is down, does not mean they are out. I was so sure of victory against the Rularuu I did not take precautions, did not follow my own guidelines and rules learned through many situations like this when I was much less experienced. So, I learn again. I follow my New Year's Resolution.

Oh, and I admit that he beat me fair and square; no grudge because I lost. But that doesn't mean I can't go back and wipe the floor with him.

It's a brand new world... maybe

2006-01-02T10:16:00.000-05:00

Heroes don't get to take vacations, do they? As mostly reactionary beings (read previous post "Villainism" from Monday October 17 for more on this), we aren't usually allowed such luxuries as we must be constantly vigilant for any and all attacks on our beloved city and it's populace. Especially this time of year. And what is it about this time of year that makes those opponants of Truth and Justice so bound and determined to ruin the good feelings and memories that surround us all these days? What is it that draws them out of the walls with their best, or is it worst, schemes and most nefarious of plans?

Why, it's us of course.

We, meaning most of who you would refer to as "good", for one reason or another, treat this time of year as special. Whether it is for religious reasons, nostalgia, the picturesque scenery, the parties, or just because you enjoy the time off from work, for most of us the last month of the year holds a special place in our hearts. If I were to put myself in my opponant's shoes for a minute, and then to pick one time of year to launch an attack to be most devastating to the most people... yep. It would be about now. Of course, you can argue that this is not the only reason for such an attack. Cases of mental illness, a villain's own memories and feelings of this time of year always factor into their actions and yes, sometimes they are just plain mean and nasty. They are evil, after all. It's what they do.

So what happened this year? The inevitable, and a shipment of donated toys was hijacked by a group of Arachnos villains and taken to Mercy Isle, where it was then rescued by various assundry super groups and individual heroes alike. The reaction vy the heroic community was swift, sometimes brutal, but appropriate and rang with the pure silvery sound of justice. And you received a cool hat to wear if you helped to rescue the toys. You could not have created a more perfect example of how the Hero/Villain System works: the Villains steal something of value, this time not so much of monetary but more of social and ethical or moral value, and the Heroes gather together to get it back. They reacted afterwards... they could not have prevented the theft in the first place. I'm even willing to bet Ms. Liberty, as she headed up the toy drive, foresaw this coming. But she was helpless as the rest of us and had to act after the fact in getting the items back.

So here we are in the New Year. Traditionally a fresh start... a change from the previous year. Something different is supposed to happen Today, that did not happen Yesterday. New Year's Resolutions, right? Going on the assumption that something was wrong with Yesterday, that Today will somehow be better because we changed it, let's give this some thought and apply it to the above situation. They say that hindsight is always 20/20, meaning you can always see what went wrong after the fact, but rarely before. Now, I am not so arrogant as to claim that I know what went wrong with Ms. Liberty's toy drive and how she can avoid that problem in the future. All I am saying is that if we were to make a New Year's Resolution, if we were to try and change ourselves for the better in this new year... that we try and learn from our mistakes. Pay attention to what we do. Make conscious decisions, remember them and learn from them. That is how we move forward.

Happy New Year, friends.

Oh yeah, one more question: what do you suppose those Arachnos were going to do with those toys once they go them?

Trolls, Trolls, the Beautiful Fruit

2005-12-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

There is something up with the Trolls in Skyway City. The big ones specifically... the ones calling themselves Supa Trolls. The name notwithstanding. I mean, come on; at least spell out "Super"... "Supa"? That sounds like some kinda of bad Blaxploitation hero name. Really bad.

Anyway.

There is something seriously wrong with them. First off, every couple of hours (minutes?) there is a marathon of Supa Trolls that runs through Skyway. I am not one to casually critisize any rational being's desire for physical fitness; far from it. This is not rational, however. They seem to gather around The Hollows gate and take off from there, trundling through parking lots, over parked cars, heroes, the citizenry, etc... whatever happens to be in there way. This has spawned more than a few battle royales, let me tell you. And this gathering is not just a couple of trolls, like two or three. Oh no. I am talking about a dozen or more; I have seen up to twice that number seemingly appear out of nowhere. The troll's supplier of Supradine must be having a holiday celebrati.... wait a minute.

Note to self: look into that.

Back to the marathon. I watched a Supa the other day, being chased down by a hulking tanker of a hero, completely ignorant of the fact that an earthen hammer the size of Montana was being swung at his head repeatedly. All he seemed to care about was his running route: no fighting back, no powering up, no beating of the chest... it was almost Zen-like. Creepy. The really weird part was, the hammer never connected while the Supa was running. Not once. It was almost like the troll had an aura around him, protecting him from harm while in this zone of concentration. But once he reached his destination, which happened to be about one hundred yards down the highway, and he stopped running, the fight was ON! I nearly felt sorry for the Supa... he didn't stand a chance against that hero with the hammer; which, in retrospect made the incident even stranger.

In any case, I must be off to check those contacts. All observations of Supa Troll behavior aside, if there is a batch of Supradine on the streets that messes up these kids more than it does already... I don't even want to think about it.

Super Group/ Super Self

2005-11-29T13:09:00.000-05:00

I mentioned to a good friend of mine recently that, in my childhood, I made a habit of defining myself by those that I spend the majority of my time with. As can be guessed, old habits are hard to break. And I don't think I am alone in this. How many heroes out there announce themselves by the group that they belong to?

"Beware villains! Before you stands The Rainbow Avenger.... tremble before the might of The Paragon City Marshmallow Cadets!"

or how about...

"The Four Funkmen of The Apocolypse have arrived... That's right baby: Funkenstein has landed... awww yeah."

or the perenial:

"Paragon's Primary Protectorate super group now recruiting... we don't care who we get. Just bring cash."

Now don't get me wrong: I am not here to rant and verbally assault the institution of super groups; far from it. If it weren't for the super groups that allowed me membership, my time here in Paragon City would have been vastly different... in fact, I would go so far as to say that I would not be the hero that I am today were it not for those groups, or more to the point, the people in those groups. The institution... the concept of a super group, that is a group of people (in this case specifically super heroes) that band together for a common cause, even if that cause is merely social, is a sound one. Humans (and those like us, because let's face it, not all of the heroes in Paragon City are human beings, although they act decidedly like one of our species) are social animals, and we need that interaction, that contact to feel complete... to feel worthwhile. I know, I know... we have talked about the Lone Wolf Theory already. I am not discounting that discussion as I know several heroes that prefer to work on their own. I myself do that every now and then. That is not the point.

My point is when we belong to a group of people, we are usually there looking for acceptance. Those that stay with a given group for a period of time, have more than likely found that level of acceptance they were looking for... even if they are not the most active members of that group, according to other members. They have found, socially, a place they are comfortable... if they don't find that place, they leave the group looking for the next attempt. In my unprofessional opinion, a problem arises when a given individual begins to identify themselves soley by the group that they associate with... their identity becomes tied to the rest of the people around them. Without those people, they don't know who they are or what to do. This is an extreme example, but I have seen it happen. I have come close to it myself.

Don't rely on the acceptance of others for your own self-worth and validity, my friends. Value yourself and find acceptance in who you are. Only then can you enter the group as a whole person without needing them to fill in that void.

Peace.

In which I advance to a deeper understanding of myself and my own powers

2005-11-21T13:38:00.000-05:00

As previously stated, I am only human. I have learned that this is not necessarily so. While I freely admit that I possess more than my share of human frailties as well as emotional states & virtues... these past few days I have discovered much more to myself than I have thought possible. More on that later.

My rage has finally found it's release. I find I have little remorse in it's outlet and I am fine with that. As a Defender, I had dedicated my life to the healing and the betterment of others. I have made entries in this journal about my recent explorations into a offensive side to my powers, but this has been something that I have considered an aside; a new facet that I would only turn to within a certain company or by myself. No longer. While I have not forgotten that side of my abilities, they have been integrated creating a more complete being. These last few weeks have changed me more than perhaps anything since leaving my childhood home those years ago. I have once again crossed a threshold... let us see where it leads me.

A Bit of Humanity

2005-11-14T10:48:00.000-05:00

Recent events in my life have forced me to certain realizations: that for all of the power and glory, for all of the good deeds and high ideals.... heroes are merely human underneath it all. We are subject to the same weaknesses and frailties that the rest of the populace is: anger and frustration... the desire for revenge... to hurt those who who hurt the ones we love. We spend our lives fighting against that which would destroy us in any way possible given the chance- they do not follow any rules. Should any of us show weakness... even one that we cannot help... our enemies are quick to pounce, to take advantage of that momentary lapse in power or control. To the point of death, in some cases. Should not we do the same?

I know, I know... I hear your response already. That is the line between hero and villain... order and chaos. We have rules... laws... to follow, to enforce. That is the reason why we do what we do. To cross that line, to play by their rules- that is, to play by no rules- is to fall from grace. To give up that edge, that purpose that has built the higher road we travel is to give up everything so many have fought and, indeed, have died for. I know all this; know it in my heart and soul. I have lived and breathed this ordeal all my life. It was sewn into my consciouness as a child and I have believed it- indeed, clung to it as a drowning man clings to a life-ring in a monsoon so many times... but surely each man has his breaking point. Surely each _human_ may reach a point at which they may bear no more and are allowed to bend; whether they be hero or not.

I ask you to ponder this: what circumstances would bring you to such a state? Those of you who may be reading this, placing yourself above such petty notions of anger or revenge upon an individual... what would your breaking point be? What would be the straw breaking your camel's back? Mass murder... the genocide of thousands, perhaps? Millions? An entire nation of people wiped out by the hand of one individual. Perhaps something closer to home: your city, or town... maybe your church. Or maybe just one or two victims rather than something so catastrophic: your parents, for example. Your friends... the old woman you sat next to on the bus this morning... your cubicle-mate. Have I raised your hackles yet? What if your pregnant wife and children are among the victims your enemies claim... or perhaps just your unborn child? Would that be enough to spark your anger?

Clinging to our ideals... being a hero is not a one time choice. One does not wake up one morning, deciding to become a hero and never think about it again. It is something that you live with every single day of your life. It is a challenge to your faith in humanity and your belief in yourself. Some rise to that challenge... others are swallowed by it, killing themselves and others in the process- and not always physically, I might add. A precious few see their downward spiral before it is too late and so are able to save those around them, if not themselves. They have that strength of character at least. I pray today, for that strength myself.

Gods help the Freakshow if I don't find it.

Hallowmas

2005-11-01T10:56:00.004-05:00

According to scholars at the Université Wikipedia, this day November 1, on which we celebrate All Saints Day, is defined as: "The festival of All Saints, also sometimes known as "All Hallows," or "Hallowmas," is a feast celebrated in their honour." In addition to that, not only is there feasting, but many people around the world do more: "In Portugal, Spain and Mexico, ofrendas (offerings) are made on this day. In Spain, the play Don Juan Tenorio is traditionally performed every All Saints Day. In Portugal and France, people offer flowers to dead relatives. In Poland, the tradition on this day (known as Zaduszki) is to light candles (znicze) and visit the graves of deceased relatives. In the Philippines, the day is spent visiting the graves of deceased relatives, where they offer prayers, lay flowers, and light candles, often in a picnic-like atmosphere. In English speaking countries, the festival is celebrated with the song "For All the Saints", set to music by Ralph Vaughn Williams." Fascinating.

I can hear someone, somewhere, at this very moment: "All Saints Day is a Christian (or more specifically a Catholic) holiday. What are you trying to pull?" Far be it from me to propagate or promote any one religion over another. That is not my point. My only point in this entry is provoke thought and extend a wish: we all face devils and the many-facetted faces of darkness daily; we hardly need a day and night devoted to celebrating them. I began to think of Halloween as another plot of some kind... perhaps by some unknown cabal of old men and woman in some smokey back room, manipulating the public through their unknowning agents, for reasons so twisted and corrupt they themselves have forgotten their original purpose. I flew through the streets of Atlas Park and the Hollows... Talos and Peregrin Isles... looking at the children dressed in their skeleton and mad scientist costumes. They laughed and opened their pillow cases and plastic bags for treats from brightly lit households, or jumped out of shadowy bushes to frighten their friends in harmless jest. My paranoid frown slowly turned to a warm smile as I watched them- there was no plot here. Or if there was, it had horribly backfired upon it's creator. For what better way to fight against evil than to make light of it? The greatest power that the enemy has is our own fear of it. If we can teach our children to laugh at the darkness, to simply stop being afraid of it... then my friends, we will have accomplished something in this lifetime. That is my thought for this day.

So what is my wish for you? To celebrate this All Saints Day. Find a Saint... a Hero, and celebrate them. It's that simple. Whether they are your favorite teacher, or a reknowned Righteous Fury.... whether you see them daily, or they have passed on from this world... find a way to celebrate them today. Even if it is something as simple as a hug or a flower. Believe me- it will not go unnoticed.

Happy All Saints Day.

And find out who Ralph Vaughn Williams is.

Villainism

2005-10-17T14:49:00.000-04:00

Amongst many of us who think too deeply, it is it has been debated ad nauseum that without a villain to properly threaten the status quo along with public safety, heroes such as myself wouldn't exist for very long. I have to agree with this line of thinking... after all, if it weren't for the gangs of Hellions and Skulls running rampant through her streets, I probably wouldn't have come to Paragon City in the first place, and become the person I have. On that note, I like to think that I would have traveled a similar path and found my own way in this world rather than suffocating in the shadow of another, but strength of character and determination in the young mind is somethig to be postulated upon another time.

No, my brain has been occupied with the concept of villainy recently. The word itself is quite interesting: it has it's roots in Middle English, from the Old French word "vilein" meaning "poor" or "rustic." Fascinating. The idea that a simple word once used to describe a poor person is now used to describe evil most foul.... well, lets just say that one alone kept me up for a night. How can those two definitions compare? At what period in time did that switch in meaning take place? Was it a conscious decision by some party or council... or was it just one of those words that always had some negative connotation and simply evolved through usage and time? I understand that the interest and attention span of those reading this journal my not be as focused as mine on this issue, but then again, I believe it is still food for thought. It has already effected me in the way that I look at the citizens of Paragon City today... modern day peasants, if you to listen to some. But I digress.

As a hero grows in power and experience, so must the enemies... the villains... that he must face. Its a strange sort of arms race, really. The difficult part is that from my side of the equation, a hero is primariliy a reactionary creature. Example: The League of Swarthy Disgruntlement plots and executes their plan for global domination by kidnapping the owner of the local Big Orange Sign home & garden center. A nefarious scheme indeed. Of course, they are stopped in the end by the quick and timely action of The Sweet & Creamy Avenger: International Man of Marshmallow. Trumpets sound, maidens swoon and all the children brush their teeth. My point is this:
Nothing in this little scenario could have been avoided; and I mean really avoided. I can hear some of the more industrious of you out there: S & C Avenger could have had observation posts listening in on the plans of The League... he could have had an informant in their organization.... he could done this, or he should have done that. I say nuts to that- even with such measures in place, something or somebody would eventually slip under the radar. Unless a hero is willing to turn his or her chosen area of protection into a kind of police state where they have absolute control, at which point I daresay there is a line that is crossed, we heroes will always be one step behind those we would fight against for the simple fact that we must react to them, instead of them to us. In this arms race, we cannot help but fight an uphill battle.

So why do it? Why put ourselves into a race that, by what I have just described is, at it's best an arduous and uphill fight that we most likely cannot win? Why put up with any of it? I have heard this question asked many times, in many places.... one of which being my own head, to tell you the truth. The simple answer is: we must. It is what we believe in, my friends. We have all heard the rumblings of something new on the horizon... something powerful, the likes of which we have never faced before. Now is not the time for doubt or fractious arguments. Solidarity and confidence; strength and community. Help your fellow heroes if you see them in danger... they may never be able to pay you back, but it doesn't matter. If someone helps you, pay it forward when you are able.

Remember that we are heroes.

Hunting for Knowledge

2005-10-06T12:46:00.000-04:00

Just some quick thoughts for today. I am completely taken with finding out what is going on... I haven't slept in days. I have poured over my own meager library time and time again, with few results. A fear has begun to creep into my brain, but I must push it back... cannot think of it now. My next step is to find a larger library; either that or someone with more experience in summoning, more access to a larger knowledgebase than I have.

hmmm... perhaps a Circle of Thorns installation. They certainly summon more daemons before 9am than most of do all day, to coin a phrase. Ugh... never have like CoT mages. Obsessed with power all of them, Madness Mages especially. Always got the feeling that the world is just one big experiment to them. Gives me a bad taste in my mouth just thinking about it... but if they have the knowledge that I need....

I'll check in with M.A.G.I., see where the Circle is these days- although they usually aren't too far from Perez Park. I don't need small potatoes, tho; this is going to take something... someone.... a little higher up the CoT foodchain than a Citizen Snatcher in Bettis Hills.

I may need some help on this one.

With Apologies to Mr. Clean....

2005-09-26T14:44:00.000-04:00

What with that last post, I suppose I should reveal a little more of my past and how I have come to where I am... come clean, so to speak. I do not think I will reveal all that is me; where would the fun in that be, I ask you? There are a few things that should be explained, however, and so without further ado I will endeavor to do so.

I was born into a ancient family, one with a tradition of heroism going back generations; how many I cannot be sure... hundreds of years in the least. Custom speaks that one of each generation is chosen to recieve the best that can be offered: the best education, training, environment.... everything. Unfortunately, this was not to be me. This honor instead went to my brother; my twin to be exact. I was given a good home and education but the cream at the top, so to speak, was always given to my brother- while I stood idlely by. Eventually, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and claim my own destiny.

While I never knew my biological father, I had his library: filled with tomes and manuals of great power. I began to read and study them in secret. For years I would sneak in at night to read them and practice minor cantrips and incantations, eventually working my way up to summonings. I grew brave, summoning larger and more powerful creatures- in my youthful ignorance I sought the power to fulfill my dreams... to fulfill my destiny, so I thought.

The creatures of the lower planes heard my calls and granted my wishes.... my desires. They alone, I thought, understood my desire to fight for justice, to right the wrongs of the world, to help those who truly deserved it. But they also saw my true purpose, my true heart's desire: to outshine my twin. And so they granted my wishes, granted me power and sent me on my way... now, I believe, unknowing as to their true purposes. I must discover what they did... what power courses through this frame, this mortal shell... For if it is true they have slowed my aging, what else can they have done?

Curse my vanity and foolish pride! There is small comfort in the good that I have accomplished in the vile gifts bestowed upon me, but now I begin to understand the price for such.

Family Matters

2005-09-22T21:17:00.000-04:00

Time does fly, doesn't it? Not only time between these journal entries, but in a grander sense of the word: months, years.... lifetimes. When I think back, I realize what a truly short time I have been here in Paragon City, plying my trade in justice. I have accomplished more than I could have hoped the day I stepped off of PTA, although now I see it is but a drop in the bucket. That last bit is beside the point, but the underlying truth of the matter is: time. It has just been a matter of time for me to reach the security level I currently hold; a matter of time, I have decided, before I reach my next clearance level; a matter of time before my next goal after that. But how much time?

That is the question that nags at me now, having thought about this concept of the progression of time. How much time do I have to do or to accomplish those things that I would? Even assuming that I lead a long and successful career here in Paragon City, which is not exactly commonplace, the average human male life expectancy is somewhere around 74 years in this country. Not alot when compared to some of dangers that I have already faced: daemons, for example, as far as I know, are basically immortal; their defeat on this plane merely sends them back to their homeplane. Vampyres in the employ of the Council also have extended lifespans beyond those of mortal men, although they will die of natural causes eventually, as they are not true undead but instead man-made facsimiles; at least this is my theory, as I have not had the good fortune of examining one up close as of yet. In any case, my point is that even if I were to live an exeptionally long life by human standards, let us say 90- 95 years, that would be a pittance compared to even the two examples I have just given; and even of those 95 years, I would venture to say that 65 of them perhaps, could really be spent actively combatting.

Why think about all this? Seeing it on paper does fill me with a certain amount of.... inevitable defeatism. Something has occured to me recently, however. And it started with an offhand remark in casual conversation. The other day, I happen to be talking with Ashesinyou and she mentioned someone she "ran into" that reminded her of me. She described to me a mission that she, Legacee, and Wulfgang had been on just a few days prior with a young Illutionist going by the name Veraata. The name immediatly caught my attention, as it is part of an arcane phrase, and yet according to Ash, while she wasn't certain of the young lady's origin, she was fairly certain it was not magical. The more I listened, the more I was intrigued: her physical description, her apparent irreverent manner in battle like that of a "silly girl", some key phrases that she said.... it all resonated in my brain, like someone I knew but could not quite remember. Then Ashes gave me the answer: this "Veraata" apparently carries a creature on her shoulder at all times, one that looks like a miniature and ferocious panda bear. I was stunned. My little sister had some to Paragon City.

After the initial shock and surprise, indignation that my own flesh-and-blood would keep such a thing from me and the typical over-reaction of an older brother towards a younger sister, I sat back in reeling wonder. Ashesinyou's description of my sister painted a picture of a confident and strong, young woman, not the silly and chatty little girl that I left so long ago. Had it really been that long since I had left? I began to take stock of the passage of time using the only subject available to me: myself. A complete physical examination later, (or as complete as I could on myself) I was stymied. As far as I could tell I was in perfect health; I had the body of a man half my age. While this was comforting on certain levels, it only deepened the mystery: my body had taken more punishment from my enemies and by time than had been revealed in the tests that I had performed. There was a small possibilty, but it would need more research: there were legends of certain mages who had extended their lifespans through magical means. I had only seen snippets of such stories, but I did know two things: (1) such events were not accidental , i.e. they could not take place without the express knowledge and planning of some party, usually the mage; and (2) they always involved inhabitants of the the lower planes: usually daemons, although devils were not unheard of.

I am in trouble.

I don't mean to Offend....

2005-09-12T08:49:00.000-04:00

I have recently begun to understand the joys of having a support team under you... or at least another team member with you on a mission that can boost and bolster your offensive capabilities. A mentor of mine long ago, classified the Defender into two distinct roles: that of the more traditional "Defender", one that buffed, boosted and healed their companions, and had little to offer in the way of an offensive punch; and then there was what they called an "Offender": someone that, while officially of the Defender archetype, had trained their abilities to more of a destructive nature, typically concentrating more on their secondary abilities than on their primary (although this is not always necessarily the case.) I have known several Offenders over the course of my career, although one in particular stands out in my mind as having worked this role successfully; a young woman specializing in Radiation and the powers of Darkness: Chronofade. She was more effective than many blasters I have known in using her powers to bring down her enemies. She was a constant frustration to her opponants in the Arena, which she was known to frequent...I personally saw her bring down tanks and controllers far more experienced than she was; sometimes with 5 to 7 levels higher security clearance. She has been an inspiration to me in this way, despite the fact that I have never considered myself to be an Offender in any way, shape or form. To be honest, I have come to take great satisfaction and pride in my role as a Defender, something that did not happend overnight. To paraphrase the great philosopher Christopher Guest, "[the ablility to] turn the volume up to eleven" is one of my greatest joys... there are times when I have missed blasting the hell out of the bad guys, though.

So what has brought this all to mind? Last night, I went on a mission against the Carnival of Shadows. I have battled Carnies before, but this was _my_ first investigation. Tina McIntyre sent me to one of their shows, and Ashesinyou was kind enough to accompany me. She is a controller: with powers over fire, along with a talent for healing, she really is quite potent in battle and I always enjoy her company. When we arrived, there were Carnies everywhere and they had managed to hypnotise several of their spectators into spectacular and dangerous places... I can only dream of what they had planned for them. Yet, the most unusual things were the Carnies themselves: upon defeat, most would hold onto their heads as if to keep them from falling apart, let loose a blood-curdling scream and fall to the ground.... and I could swear I saw a spirit or somesuch entity escape from a couple. This definately bears some investigation.

Ashes was indispensible throughout the entire mission: her Empathetic abilities of Fortitude, Clear Mind & Recovery Aura, not to mention the healing, kept me fighting, while her Cinders and Fire Cages kept the Carnies enough under wraps for me to mop them up. And I don't mind telling you that Speed Boost kept her moving around the battle field with enough energy to accomplish what she needed, while I was able to use Transference to keep myself going. Dark Blast, Gloom and Moonbeam took them out one by one, but the bigger groups fell to Fulcrum Shift & Blackstar. All in all, we worked very well together... which was a little surprising. Don't get me wrong; I have worked with Ashesinyou for quite some time now, and we always work well together, that's not what I mean. My powers of Kinetics mesh well with melee fighters: Transfusion and Transference, for example, are powers that have an area of effect that radiate from an opponant, out... not very helpful to someone attacking at a distance. Usually including myself. It's true that some of my powers are helpful to all, Speed Boost is an example, but most require that you be in melee range. Even the pinnacle of what I am able to accomplish with my Kinectic abilities, a Fulcrum Shift in the balance of power in battle, is best used in melee fighting. I have made more trips on the Paragon City health care system using that power than I can count. Neither Ash nor I are typically melee combatants, and yet we took the fight to the Carnies and emerged victorious without a single defeat, I am proud to say. Granted, I was more often toe-to-toe with the enemy than Ash was, and thanks to her help I was able to walk away from the experience. But still, the feeling of having someone else watching over my shoulder, rather than me doing the watching was something that I will remember for some time to come.

Last night was a lesson for me. A lesson in tactics and use of powers and the versatility of one's own skills and abilities. I am looking forward to the next lesson, to be sure. I still enjoy the role of Defender; there is comfort in familiarity. But there is also excitement in learning, discovering something new.... I have recently spend time exploring Firebase Zulu, as I have mentioned recently. This is similar, only on a more personal frontier, I suppose. No less new, no less exciting. Just a little closer to home.

Oh, and Ashes... happy birthday. At ease, Sergeant.

Stories to Tell

2005-09-09T10:11:00.000-04:00

This city is one of a thousand stories isn't it? I suppose that is an obvious statement, what with the number of heroes around this place each of them has their own story: where they came from, who they are, where they are going. Some are more interesting than others, some more amusing, others more serious... some don't have much to say at all preferring their personality and dress to be their story. It's understandable- you can only be asked what your story is so many times before you just get tired of telling it, I suppose.

But I am talking about more than just origin stories.. more than just how heroes have become heroes; or heroines for that matter. To side track for a moment, I do hope that any of you haven't begun to think of me as any kind of sexist or exclusionary in any sort of way. I simply use certain terms in a more generic sense, "hero" being one of them, because they can apply to both sexes and to be blunt, it is faster type. So please do not be offended, those of you who have been longing for some sort of inclusionary terms. I will do my best to include them, but if I don't it is merely out of convenience and a lazy typing streak more than any kind of personal message or political agenda.

But I digress...

By stories, I mean those that happen every day. The goings-on between the men and woman of Paragon City, both super and -non. The details of the City... the life of it, really. The good deeds, the bad misfortunes... the ugly infighting and jealousy. It's really what makes this city a living entity, complete with emotions and moods... likes and dislikes.... loves and hates. I have known only a fraction of what has gone on here, and the greatest fiction writers of our day could not come up with better material. Underhanded backstabbings and betrayals, fast friendships that turn to unrequited love, bitter enemies that become bosom pals, lifelong friends who disappear without a trace.... its all here and none of it is scripted, none of it is planned. An honest, real-life drama worthy of any pulitzer that cannot be written. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

Now, I can hear you all the way from my comfortable chair and no I will not be divulging any details of the stories I just mentioned. What kind of friend would I be to those who entrusted their faith to me by telling such tales? Not much of one I can answer for you. But think about it; how many do _you_ know? Even those of you who claim to follow the Lone Wolf. How many stories have you heard... witnessed... or better yet, been a part of? It is impossible not to take part. We are communal beings and gravitate towards one another, even if it is for short periods of time on a team for the evening or a Super Group for a week, month or year... or longer. Even if the affliation of our relations is not something official, there is a story to be heard or found. How many of you have struck up a conversation during a costume contest or just hanging out under the statue of Atlas in front of City Hall? Think about that the next time you go there... just listen for a moment before you start in yourself. See what there is to hear.

Last night I had the privilege of helping a great friend raise her security clearance to level 30. Congratulations Ashesinyou! You've worked hard and I am proud of you.

The Lone Wolf Theory

2005-09-03T11:16:00.000-04:00

In a recent post, I mentioned what I like to call the the "Lone Wolf Theory" of heroes. That is, that most out there are loners for one reason or another. Whether it is from personality, coincidence, or design the fact remains that most heroes do not claim to have "real" lives outside of heroism. Yes, I know the romantic vision of an "alter ego" is there, but trust me- it's just not practical. Those of you out there reading this who lead "normal" lives.... can you imagine adding more to do to your plate? Let alone ones that don't provide any more salary to your already strained bank account... it just doesn't happen with most of us. The obvious exceptions being those wealthy enough that they have so little to do in their normal lives that they think to take up an identity and role of a super hero... and the percentage of those that can pull off this roll successfully are staggeringly low.

However, while the Lone Wolf tends to be the loner it doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is lonely. Friends are plentiful to Lone Wolf with even the slightest of social inclinations. The sheer volume of heroes in Paragon CIty, especially ones of a low security level, makes finding that someone or group of someones we can relate to a relatively simple process. Yes, teams for missions are formed and dissolved hundreds of times per day but that is not what I am talking about. Neither am I talking about the bonds of a Super Group, either... although I suppose one could argue that point. No, I am talking about those people that we see again and again, whether there is a mission to complete or not. Those heroes that we chat with, hang out with, and generally spend the lion's share of our time with for one reason or another; reasons we may not even be able to articulate. And when we do run missions with such people, I think you most of you would agree that those missions are something more than just any team one can join from under the Atlas statue. Call them Comrades In Arms... Compatriots... Allies... Mates... Partners... Cohorts... Kinsmen... they are all friends, and the best kind. To the Lone Wolf, especially, they are more meaningful than he/she may let on. If you know a "Lone Wolf" look for those actions that may clue you in to how they feel about the group, and don't expect many words of adoration... for although that façade may hide a soft, squishy and loving interior personality, do not forget that there is a façade there. So treat the Lone Wolf with care... they may be hiding those emotions for a reason.

Myself, I've known many heroes during my time in Paragon City, some that I kept up with over time, others not so much. Mrs. E, Faebrin, Cyonyx, Aton Ra, Shnibbibit, Shadowlord and Kaji Guzguu; Atomic Lunchbox, Ladykiller, Dr. Haven, Bruce Brawn, Chronofade, SIPS, Insidious One, Ashesinyou, Wulfgang, Legacee Inferna... the list goes on. The more I list, the more that come to mind. It's the curse of a large and sometimes near-transient hero population that you can't keep up with all of them.

Thanks friends one and all.

And Sid... tough times bring out the best in us. Chin up, brother...there is a reason for everything, even if we can't see it right away.

Astoria to Zulu

2005-08-29T10:55:00.000-04:00

So upon attaining my new security level, one of the first things I did was head over to Firebase Zulu of which I have heard so much about. "You've got to come see it!" they said. "Aren't you 40 yet?" "You _can_ fly right?" Usually, I try to do my best not to be influenced by overly excited people. Perhaps it's that rebellious voice in the back of my head that railed against my father at a young age, but I want to make up my own mind about a particular place or person or whathaveyou. In the case of Firebase Zulu, however, I have to admit that the build up was hard to resist. So, I joined up with an old aventuring partner of mine, Feral Lupa, for a couple of missions against the Soldiers of Rularuu. Nasty group, them; watch out for the Wisps.

But Firebase Zulu, if you will excuse me for a moment of Newbie excitement, is incredible! I have seen such sights in the Lower Planes, but never thought I would see it tamed in such a way by humans; not that I would necessarily call the place "tame", but I think you understand what I mean. My exploration of the area is limited. I hit a few of the Points closest to Firebase: Alpha, Echo, Bravo, Charlie, and Foxtrot; I simply didn't have the time to go further.

And I understand that this is only the beginning. The Cascade Archipeligo, the Cascade, and finally the Storm Palace: all breath taking, if only for their aesthetic value. Of course, this is all forgetting the mortal danger that lies within each of them. But that's always assumed isn't it?

Oh and, I know it's really called "Dark" Astoria. But I was going for an "A to Z" format for the title of this entry and "Dark" hardly starts with an "A" does it?

The Clockwork King

2005-08-23T13:40:00.000-04:00

I came from a world of science where I was not able to accomplish the goals I had set out for myself, and so turned to the Black Arts; it was there that I found what needed. For years I was convinced that science was not the answer... that humankind's salvation was to be found in the mystical arts, that there was no other solution. I have since been proven wrong.

Case in point, the Portal Corportation.

The Portal Corporation, through apparently entirely scientific means has unlocked the doors to parallel dimentions; something once only possible through mystical connections and magical rituals. Incredible. I have used their portals on several occations for various missions, traveling to a multitude of different dimensions, and I must say the experience is similar to any mode of mystical extradimentional travel I have used.

hmmm.... writing that detail down does make some startling connections. I admit that I am largely ignorant of Portals methods of dimentional teleportation. Perhaps some experimentation is in order...

Anyway, a recent mission has brought this all to mind:

I traveled with a small group to a pocket dimention that Portal Corp. had only named Epsilon Tau 27-2. It resembled a bombed out city... similar to Boomtown, actually... they reported "detect[ing] a very strong psychic signal there, and we want to make sure it doesn't pose a threat." We quickly discovered the source of the signal: Clockwork. Hundreds of them. Nearly the entire group of us were pounded to the pavement upon entering the dimension. Portal Corp to the rescue.

The scrapper, Cross Eyed and I returned from the Peregrin Island Hospital around the same time; I managed to fly to safety this time, I believe he used more stealthy methods to regroup. Reinforments were called in, in the form of a more experienced tanker who helped us clean up the doorway. We all decided to go directly to the fount of the eminations rather than fool around with the minions on this ruined island. We found it near the north wall of the city: much to my surprise, it was the Clockwork King.

I have fought him before... it seems like years ago... thought him soundly defeated. That is a tale for another time, but suffice to say, the King has not been idle in the intervening time since our last meeting. Far from it. It was all I could do to keep my team's health & endurance up and their speed boosted; I myself fell to the King's might twice.

The duality of my line of work: my powers require me near the front lines, while my Defender life-style offer's little in the way of protection. The volume of debt I have earned and paid to the city staggers my mind when I sit and ponder it all; I have the badges of honor to prove it. But I digress...

The rest of the group consisted of the aforementioned tanker, the scrapper Cross-Eyed, whom I have also already mentioned, a young controller named Blind Hero (I can't tell you whether or not he was actually blind, as we did not get to know each other that well in the heat of battle. If he was, he certainly didn't act it) and a blaster, Rainbow Man, who spent most of the time hidden behind a Cloaking Device. The group worked well and hard, to the ultimate demise of the Clockwork King. Afterwards, time was spent taking care of most of his minions on the rest of the island, but they would pose minimal threat without their Head, trapped as they now were in their pocket dominion.

At the end of the day, Luminary in Talos Island updated my security level clearance to 40. Talk about an uphill road! "Justice Incarnate", indeed. I believe another of my badge titles is more appropriate: Undying.

A beginning

2005-08-20T22:46:00.000-04:00

I have been told that keeping a journal of one's life can help one make sense of it afterwards. Gods above I can only hope this is true. If this turns out to be the case, my only regret might be that I did not start this journal sooner; but this cannot be helped. This is where I am, and this is what I have been given. It is enough.

If I am to assume this journal is for posterity, then I suppose an introduction is in order. My name is...

hmmm... my name.

I have to admit not having uttered nor written my given name in many years. I have nearly forgotten it, and those who know me by it are nearly forgotten themselves. Therefore you shall know me by the name I have given those who call me hero, here in my new home: Redd Mage. Yes, it is a simple name, and one that conjures no images of great deeds or great men. But it is a name nevertheless; an anonymous monicker, one meant to slip beneath the notice of prying eyes...

But more on that later. Besides, one name is as good as another, in this modern world. Heroes especially, it seems are particually fond of peculiar names: Meowzerina, Phosphorama and Manic Medic are some of the more tame ones that I have run across in my short time here in Paragon City.

Very well... that is my name. Now, what is it I do? Well, to coin a phrase: I am a Super Hero.

But, of course, there is so much more to it than that.

The life of a Hero is many and varied, but one thing that, I think, most can agree upon is that it is a lonely life. Some live a life alone for more altruistic reasons: they don't wish the ones they love to become embroiled in the schemes of their enemies; they want to protect those that they care about from harm, and so on and so forth. Others, live the Lone Wolf mentality. The world, having turned it's back on them in some dark and romantic way, recieves it's protection and justice albeit begrudgingly and grumpily.

Others of us, however, live the lone life of a Super Hero for no other reason other than it suits us. I am no flashy Blaster; blowing his enemies to tiny bits. I am no skillful Scrapper; masterfully taking down opponants in melee combat. I am certainly no hulking Tanker, with arms of steele and flame. Nor am I the mighty Controller, summoning creatures to do my bidding, manipulating the battle from afar. For the informed, that leaves few choices left for my chosen path of heroism. For the uninformed, however, I will keep you in suspense no longer.

I walk the path of the Defender. I use the mystal tomes at my disposal to keep those around me healed, energized, and protected as best as I can. I used the word "chosen" up above, and I don't believe that is the correct word to use; for I don't believe we truly choose these paths we are on. They are chosen for us, and we walk them as best we are able.

But more on that later. I have taken up too much of your time as it is.

More entries to follow. I hope to detail some of my exploits in here- but I cannot promise that on those slow nights that I will not bore you again, and wax philisophical about some minutia of heroism or somesuch nonsense. It is a journal after all.